He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Randomize
