I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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