But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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