I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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