chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Randomize
