she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
