k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
