His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
And then my night got REAL pukey
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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