Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
