I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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