So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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