Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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