i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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