I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Thank you for not boning my boss.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Randomize
