working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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