What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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