The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
