fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Randomize
