I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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