I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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