cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
You need a sexual gate keeper
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
