Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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