I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
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