There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
