Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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