Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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