I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
