The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
