a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
