my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
did i just pee glitter
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
