i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
