I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Randomize
