i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
