i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
