I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Blow job season was short but glorious.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
