I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Ketchup is God's man juice
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
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