All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
you had me at cake vodka
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
