She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize