ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
