You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Randomize
