You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
