I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I'd wear matching sweaters with you
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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