Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize