his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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