So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
