in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
