I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Randomize
