my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Randomize
