that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
