Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
