just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
