one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
you mean i was at the winter classic?
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
