My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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