She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
my poor anus
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
