Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
