Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
At least life still wants to fuck me.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
