I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
