Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
