stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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