hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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