here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
