Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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