She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
