Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
