I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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