I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
