halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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