I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
