I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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