matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
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