If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize