im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize