chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize
