PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
