there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
