If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
