Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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