im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Randomize
