i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
