i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Can I color on your dick again?
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I am mentally ready for anal.
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