I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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