Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
How's work?
Spinning.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
