I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I love you. Go after that dick
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
