so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
