If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
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