I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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