he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
