How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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