He disabled his match.com account in front of me
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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