I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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