there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Randomize
