We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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