dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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