I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
this boner is exhausting
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
