so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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