I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
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