i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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