He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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