Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize