I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
is it fun? or sober?
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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