Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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