Jerry, you need to find god
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
