how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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