ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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