i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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