Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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