WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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