can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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