she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
